Nut job is the second mission in Rick's story.Edit
Protagonist: Rick ChanceEdit
THIS MISSION IS WIP
- Drive to the old theater
- Protect Jessica from the enemies
- Drive to back to your apartment without getting killed.
The scene starts with Rick crushing foreign beer cans on his head. The beer spurts out and he drinks what he can from the can. Jessica is trying to sleep on the couch, but she's woken up to the sound of Rick dicking around.
Jessica: Can't you ever act normal?
Rick: If this isn't normal, I don't wanna know what it is. No waitta' minute. I know what normal must be. Cheating on your lover and whoring yourself out all around town 'n' shit, right?
Jessica: I ain't doing nothin' wrong.
Rick: Sure. Cheating isn't as bad at killin' people. No wait, it's fuckin' worse.
Jessica: Are you mental? Do you even know what ya just said? You sound like an idiot.
Rick: Sure, I might be an idiot an' shit, but I have one thing you don't have. I have fuckin' claaaaass.
Jessica: ...What's classy about killing people?
Rick: Well, you can either do it the hoodrat way, or you can do it the Rick Chance way. Take this beer can for example. Sure, it's crushed, but you could definitely smash it against the head of some dickhole ya don't like. Maybe leave a deep imprint or somethin'.
Jessica: Well, if you're gonna be all detailed with your stories, why don'tcha get a real job in the movies and write scripts?
Rick: ...That's it! I know how to make you love me again! We're gonna go down to the old theater and watch some movie!
Jessica: A date?
Rick: I guess. I don't know. I'm pretty hammered right now. Let's fuckin' move.
The player is instructed to find a vehicle. Any vehicle will do. Once a vehicle is obtained, the player must drive to the old theater. Once the player arrives there, an in-game cutscene is triggered.
Rick: Two tickets for uh.... holy shit dick what's playing?.... uhhh... That er- Chronic the green shit movie.
Ticket person: Can you PLEASE not use that language. It hurts me.
Rick: Ohohoho, that hurts you? Hey buddy boy, you wanna know what'd really hurt? Me shovin' my foot so far up your ass that ya can pull out your lunch using my toes!
Ticket person: Sir, can you pleaaaase?
Rick: How about this, you give me the movie ticket, we walk in, I rub one out in the corner of the place and you clean up the mess. How 'bout that?
The ticket person then resorts to crying for some time. Rick looks at him and shrugs a bit. All of the sudden, several men walk over to Jessica.
Neo-nazi goon A: Damn, you've got quite the ass on your. I forgot how good this tush is.
Neo-nazi goon B: Did you just say tush?
Neo-nazi goon A: Yeah. Tush. It's a round rump, ya know?
'Neo-nazi goon 'B: I'd definitely wouldn't kick her out of bed after mowing her lawn.
Neo-nazi goon A: So wait, you're gonna give me trouble for sayin' tush, but you go ahead and say "mow her lawn"?
Rick: How many white cocks have you sucked, bucko?
Neo-nazi goon B: The fuck you say lint licker?
Rick: Did you really just attempt to seduce my woman and insult me? Listen here Mr. Clee Toris. This is MY property. She's MY woman. Not yours. The only thing you own is a remake of a WWII gun and a dead jew or two.
Neo-nazi goon A: We fucked yer bitch already, now we're gonna fuck you.